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She survived a traumatic assault—and then her real survival journey began. “If my story can help one other person, it will be worth it.”
Content Note: This story contains a survivor’s non-explicit descriptions of sexual assault.
“Sometimes, I can share my story, and it won't trigger me," Sandra said. "Other times, I go through the emotions all over again."
Over two decades have passed since Sandra was sexually assaulted by a trusted neighbor—long enough for her to know that, although talking about the incident is never easy, it’s almost always healing.
“When I went through all that, I didn’t have nobody—because I didn’t tell nobody,” she explained. “Now, I just want to tell everybody, because if me telling my story helps just one person, I’ve done my job.”
You are not alone. There are other people going through the same exact thing. I know it’s really hard to do, but talking about it helps.
– SANDRA G.
Sandra’s Story
Sandra was only 17 years old and in high school when the son of a close family friend raped her. She described feeling paralyzed, dissociating from her physical body, and seeming to watch what was happening from a distance. “It was like I was looking at myself from the outside,” she said. “I had never experienced anything like that.”
In the weeks that followed, Sandra told a few close friends that “something happened,” but she didn’t share any details. “The first person I really told was my best friend in high school—and I told him basically everything,” she said. “I think I wished he would tell somebody for me because I just bottled it all up.”
But her friend didn’t tell, and neither did Sandra. What if no one believed her? What if people blamed her for what happened? What kind of judgment would she face? “It was really hard,” she remembered. “There were days when I was okay and other days when I would be extremely depressed. Then I would explode at people, but they wouldn’t know why.”
Raised in a community that emphasized abstinence until marriage, Sandra felt deeply ashamed and embarrassed. “I was young. Our families were friends. We went on vacations together,” she recalled. “So I kept it to myself.”
Coping with Hidden Trauma
Statistics show how survivors struggle to cope in the aftermath of sexual violence, with many survivors suffering long-term effects that can feel impossible to manage, let alone overcome. “The assault replayed in my mind over and over,” shared Sandra, “like I was there in that room, going through it all again. For many years, I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to live.”
In the years after the assault, Sandra battled intense depression and anxiety, endured suicidal ideation and self-harming behaviors, engaged in unsafe sex, and abused drugs and alcohol. “I didn’t care about my body; I didn’t care about anything,” she revealed. “One day I looked in the mirror and just started crying. I didn’t recognize who I had become. This wasn’t me at all.”
Finding a Reason to Live
When Sandra gave birth to her son, she determined to get help—both for herself and for her child’s sake. “He changed my life,” she said, describing her young son. “He is my reason for being here, and I’m so grateful for that.”
She embraced self-care as a means of coping with difficult emotions. Exercise, baths, meditation, and music all help, but journaling has had the biggest impact on her healing. “I write down all my thoughts, and it releases a lot of tension,” she shared. “And every week I go to a virtual church with my boyfriend so I can get some spiritual guidance.”
Sandra has also chatted online countless times with support specialists on RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline. “I’d be lying in bed at two or three in the morning, and it was either talk to RAINN or do something stupid to myself,” she said. “Talking with whoever was on the other side of the computer saved me countless times. There are people out there who will truly listen.”
For the longest time, I felt guilty and like this was my fault. I blamed myself for all of it. I know how it feels to blame yourself, and no one should have to feel that.
– SANDRA G.
Opening the Door to Healing
Only after Sandra started talking about what happened did she start to see signs of healing.
“I had reconnected with my high school boyfriend, and he asked me about what had happened, so I told him,” she said. “It was the first time I ever shared the details. It was like reliving it—but it opened the door to start my healing process.”
She began by writing about the assault in her own words, putting difficult details on paper for the very first time. “I was nervous and scared, but the more I talked about it, the easier it got. That’s why I’m comfortable sharing my story now.”
Sandra’s son is still too young to learn much about his mom’s story, but she tries to teach him age-appropriate concepts about mental health and physical safety. As for her own story of survival, she said, “When he gets a little older, maybe, I think I’ll tell him—because it happens to guys, too.”
Facing Her Fears
Today, Sandra’s friends and family know her as strong-willed, hard-working, and independent. “I try to face my fears, now,” she explained. “One day I was like, You know what? I can't be afraid of everything all the time, watching over my shoulder all the time.”
From roller skating to singing karaoke to taking cruises (“several!”), Sandra has made it her mission to do things that scare her. She smiled brightly when she said, “I didn't want to go on the cruise, so I went on the cruise. I used to be afraid of thunder, and I went into the storm—into the rain and thunder and lightning—and now I love it.”
She even returned to the neighborhood where she survived sexual assault so many years ago. “I was so scared, but I did it—me and my boyfriend,” she said. “I’m actually really proud of myself for it.”
That sense of pride has inspired Sandra to encourage survivors to trust themselves. “Go with your gut feeling,” she communicated. “I used to ignore my gut feeling, but I trust it more now. I know that if it’s telling me there’s something wrong, it probably is.”
When I read another survivor’s story, I’m amazed by how strong they seem. When I recognize that I went through similar things they did, it makes me feel strong, too. If my story can help one other person, it will be worth it.
– SANDRA G.
Learn to recognize the signs of child sexual abuse and find help.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you are not alone. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline offers free, confidential, 24/7 support in English and en Español at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or online at hotline.RAINN.org.