L’Tomay is an educator, social worker, substance abuse counselor, consultant, and coach. She is also a survivor of child sexual abuse.
L’Tomay first disclosed her abuse in a restorative justice circle for healing. She was nervous at first; her own family members hadn’t believed her, so why would anyone else? Yet, in the healing circle, she felt validated for the first time in her life.
“I felt supported. I felt heard. I felt seen. I felt normal,” said L’Tomay. She had always felt that she was missing something—that she didn’t fit in. But there, in that safe space, she was able to relate her healing journey and describe the experience of publicly sharing her survival story.
“I felt supported. I felt heard. I felt seen. I felt normal.”
“I had some phone calls after a few family members viewed the article,” L’Tomay told us about the aftermath of seeing her story in print. “Some family members apologized that they didn’t listen, that they didn’t notice, and that they were too caught up in their lives to even care.”
She grew quiet for a moment, then said, “I think for me, the most impactful was my dad and my mom. It really impacted them, and they were crying and their voices were shaking. They were really showing up in that way.”
Walking Alongside Survivors
Today, L’Tomay is the owner and founder of Brand Me Beautiful, an organization created “to walk alongside survivors, women, and girls as they reclaim their authentic voice, counter disempowering narratives, and find healing. Inspired by faith, our foundational belief is universal: hurt people get help, are held, and ultimately heal.”
L’Tomay’s company was born out of her deep desire to help people. “I always had this vision of helping women to see their beauty no matter what they have experienced,” she described. “I always wanted to help women who were hiding their pain behind a smile because I know what that is like.”
“I always wanted to help women who were hiding their pain behind a smile because I know what that is like.”
“I always wanted to help women who were hiding their pain behind a smile because I know what that is like.”
She likens her Brand Me Beautiful initiative to a universal call. “We are often labeled as ‘survivors’ or ‘the woman who was raped’ or ‘the girl who was raped as a child,’” L’Tomay acknowledged. “However, if you are going to label me anything, just brand me beautiful—because that’s who I am, and that’s the message I want women and girls to know. They are beautiful despite whatever they experienced.”
Through Brand Me Beautiful, L’Tomay offers coaching programs, hosts online group programs on awakening inner beauty, and holds the Survivors Soar conference.
Inspiring Others Toward Healing and Hope
L’Tomay has worked with survivors in various capacities, inspiring them toward healing and hope. For anyone currently experiencing abuse and deciding whether or not to come forward, she shared this story about a song called Strong Enough, which she plays in her 12-week healing circle program. “The message is basically saying, ‘When you’re strong enough, then show me where the lights went out.’ It’s about the tension that happens when you are ready to come forward, step up, and share your story.”
L’Tomay has shared her story many times over, but she still understands the contradiction between a survivor’s desire to share and the tendency to withdraw. “I would say to honor the power of your voice,” she said. “If no one else honors your voice, the most important person is you. You are the one that matters most. And if you are not ready, that does not mean that you are weak.”
“If no one else honors your voice, the most important person is you.”
The Healing Journey
Regarding her own healing journey, L’Tomay shared, “Centering myself in the process has been helpful. ‘This is me and I need to heal.’”
She shared that she finally leaned more fully into healing when her daughter experienced sexual abuse. “That kicked up all kinds of things for me. It was triggering, and I was like, okay, I need to be fully in this so I can support her and be her champion.”
Today, her daughter is thriving, but L’Tomay knows healing is an ongoing journey. “One week, I might feel like I’m on top of the world, and the next week, I may feel alone or like I don’t want to engage with people,” she shared. “Establishing boundaries helped me a lot. I offer myself compassion and grace.”