“I felt vulnerable that this thing had happened to me and I didn’t want it to show through to anyone. I didn’t want pity; I didn’t want them to think I was lesser. I tried never to ask for help and to show a strong exterior.” Her identity as a Latina survivor also affected how she approached her healing. “I was raised to be independent, never to ask for help, to be strong.”
Christy disclosed to a few close friends about what had happened, but was not able to tell her family, especially her mom. “I’m an only child and my mom is my best friend, so I wanted to tell her, but couldn’t stand the thought of breaking her heart. As the years went on, I never found the right time to talk about it.” Years later, before Christy’s wedding, she felt that it was the right time to tell her mom. It wasn’t until this year when she felt it was time to tell the rest of her family, and was met with a supportive response. “It was a weight lifted off my shoulders to tell them this big secret I’d been holding back. I felt like after that, I was ready to share it with the rest of the world.”
Christy has followed up with law enforcement throughout the years, but her case has never been assigned to a special victim’s unit detective. The DNA collected from the sexual assault forensic exam, also known as rape kit, has still not been analyzed, 14 years after the assault. “Unfortunately, I’m not the only one. In my state, there are thousands of survivors just like me whose rape kits haven’t been tested, either.” Meanwhile, the person who attacked her could have sexually assaulted countless others.
Christy has found therapy helpful in her healing process, though she saw several counselors before finding the one who was right for her. She has found counseling to be so essential in her healing process that it has inspired her to want to learn how to help other survivors in a trauma-informed way, prompting her to pursue a master’s degree in counseling.
“My anxiety would control every second of every day of my life. Now I can say that I control my life. Yes, it still does happen, but I’m the one who’s in control of it now—and counseling has been a big part of that.”
Another important part of Christy’s healing has been participating in pageants. “I never pictured myself competing in a pageant, but after I left the military, something drew me to it and I decided to give it a try.” For Christy, pageants have also provided her with a platform for her activism to help ensure that other survivors are heard and get the support they deserve. As part of her activism, Christy has also started the nonprofit organization, V.O.I.C.E.S. Against Sexual Assault to support and guide other survivors through their healing journeys.
“I was quiet about it for 14 years and I’m not going to be quiet anymore. I hope one day, this will be something we can openly talk about free of shame, and full of support.”