Approaches to Healing
As a survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA), you have likely experienced significant trauma. This series is designed specifically for adult CSA survivors to provide tools that will assist with your healing journey. Throughout the series, we’ll explore a number of topics and materials. It is important to begin this week’s content with a reminder that none of the following information is meant to provide a clinical diagnosis.
If you are actively in crisis and/or need more support than the information we provide in this series, we strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed mental health professional or the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
You are not alone. Support specialists are standing by 24/7.
What does healing mean?
Healing looks different for everyone based on your goals and what works best for your needs. The healing process involves a commitment to yourself to examine your trauma, your triggers, your strengths, and finding a path forward to hope and recovery. Everyone starts their journey in their own way and it’s important to remember to do everything on your own terms, in your own time, and in a way that feels right for you.
By simply participating in this series, you have made an important decision to either begin or further your healing process, and that is no small choice. You are brave, you are strong, and you are resilient for taking a step in your healing journey.
As you begin to process and unpack your trauma, know that healing is not always linear. For many, healing can feel like it has a lot of twists and turns, as well as progressions and regressions. While this may cause frustration, it is natural to encounter bumps along the way as you learn what works for you and what contributes to your happiness.
At times, you may feel like you are going backward in your healing; but remember, your healing can progress forward even when there are rough days.
When you were being abused, you may have felt powerless to make your own choices. Now, you have the ability to make concrete decisions that help you feel safe and in control of your life.
Learning to approach healing with small steps and decisions can help make this process feel more attainable. Throughout your healing process, remember to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Some examples of practicing self-compassion include:
Taking time each day to talk to yourself with love, understanding, and patience
- Finding a space that helps you feel peaceful
- Reminding yourself that you are in control of your healing
- Making a therapy appointment to speak with a mental health professional
- Talking with someone that you trust
- Distancing yourself from harmful people that do not honor your boundaries or your path towards healing
Whatever you need to heal, know that you deserve safety, connection, and support.
What are coping mechanisms?
At various points in your life, you may have utilized different actions, habits, and/or activities that helped you feel better in a specific moment. We refer to these as coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms may change throughout your life and healing process as you begin to learn what is useful to you and what coping mechanisms are no longer helpful.
Over time, you may have also discovered that some of the coping mechanisms you have been using to feel better are beginning to cause distress in other ways.
Are my coping mechanisms helpful or unhelpful?
Your coping mechanisms may have helped you survive the abuse at one point in your life. As an example, it is possible when you were experiencing abuse that you found it more tolerable when you would “space out” or pretend you were someone/somewhere else (called dissociation), but maybe now you have trouble focusing on school, work, or other important daily tasks. You might have also found that using substances (such as drugs or alcohol) helped you sleep better, but now your substance use has become a barrier to employment or happy relationships.
While these types of coping skills were helpful at one point, they might not be contributing to your healing process in the ways you would like. The good news is that identifying these and the reasoning behind using them, can help you substitute more useful strategies.
Below is a list of coping mechanisms. Write down any that reflect your own personal coping mechanisms. As you write these down, it can be helpful to note any that feel particularly helpful and beneficial for your healing process and ones that feel unhelpful/distressing.
Feel free to add in any additional ones that you may not see listed.
Types Of Coping Mechanisms
- Mindfulness exercises
- Eating too much or too little
- Creativity: Art, drawing, painting, writing
- Yelling at those around you
- Baking, cooking, grilling
- Rest
- Watching TV
- Negative self-talk
- Breathing exercises
- Using drugs and alcohol
- Physical activity/exercise
- Driving recklessly
- Becoming aggressive or violent
- Hurting yourself
- Avoiding friends and family
- Engaging in your spirituality
- Gardening
- Spending time with pets
When deciding if your identified coping mechanisms are helpful or not, you can ask yourself the following questions:
- How do I feel when I see these coping mechanisms?
- Are some of these coping mechanisms what I used as a child to survive the abuse?
- Does this coping mechanism still help me feel safe/productive/happy/healthy?
- Do any of these coping mechanisms make me feel bad?
- How can my personal strengths help my healing process?
Taking this time to heal intentionally requires strength and resilience. Let’s now focus on identifying things that you do well and positive attributes about yourself. Remember to remind yourself of your strength throughout this process.
Below is a list of strengths. Write down any that apply to you and add any additional that you do not see listed that you feel apply to you. While you’re working through this section, it can be helpful to ask yourself:
- What makes me unique?
- What do I do well?
- What makes me feel good about myself?
- What do others compliment me about?
List of my personal strengths and attributes
- My artistic creativity
- My determination
- My dedication
- My education
- My resilience
- My spirituality
- My patience
- My athleticism
- My confidence
- My honesty
- My strength
- My kindness
Week five covered various approaches to healing as a survivor of child sexual abuse. The goal of week five’s content is for you to better understand how to approach your own healing journey by identifying your own coping mechanisms and personal strengths.
Because responses to trauma look different for everyone, there is no right way or wrong way to heal. With trauma also comes healing and resilience as you tend to your traumatic reactions with care and gentleness.
Sharing your story can be powerful. Check out our template for writing your own survivor story.
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References
Davis, L. (1990). The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. HarperCollins Publishers.
Shershun, Erika (2021). Healing sexual trauma workbook: Somatic skills to help you feel safe in your body, create boundaries, and live with resilience. New Harbinger.
Examples of strengths: Personal and professional. Examples. (n.d.). Retrieved October 26, 2021, from https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-strengths.html.