Managing Upsetting Memories
As a survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA), you have likely experienced significant trauma. This series is designed specifically for adult CSA survivors to provide tools that will assist with your healing journey. Throughout the series, we'll explore a number of topics and materials. It is important to begin this week's content with a reminder that none of the following information is meant to provide a clinical diagnosis.
If you are actively in crisis and/or need more support than the information we provide in this series, we strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed mental health professional or the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
You are not alone. Support specialists are standing by 24/7.
How do I manage upsetting memories?
When you have experienced trauma, you might feel overwhelmed by upsetting memories from time to time. These memories can take on different forms for different people but, commonly, they manifest as nightmares, intrusive thoughts throughout the day, and/or flashbacks.
Experiencing upsetting memories, in any form, may cause you to feel a variety of emotions like fear, anger, or sadness. Part of learning to manage these memories begins with understanding what is causing (or “triggering”) them
What are “triggers”?
Triggers:
A trigger is a reaction to a stimulus that prompts a memory of a trauma or a particular segment of the traumatic event(s). Some triggers can come without warning, catching you off-guard, while other triggers are more easily identifiable.
A trigger may elicit strong memories associated with the trauma and can lead to emotional and behavioral reactions, as if the trauma was recurring in the present. In general, there are eight categories of triggers.
These include:
- A sound (e.g., the tone of someone's voice, sirens, a ticking clock, a computer noise)
- A smell (e.g., coffee brewing, a cologne, alcohol)
- Something you see (e.g., a person, a building or city block, holiday decorations, a scene on TV, an expression on someone's face)
- A taste (e.g., something bitter, a holiday meal, sweet treats)
- A touch (e.g., an unwanted hug, a part of your body, a certain temperature)
- Physical sensations (body memories, a constricted throat, racing heart, upset stomach)
- An emotion (e.g., fear, terror, shame, hopelessness, rage)
- A specific event (e.g., a holiday, the season of year, a birthday, or a time of day)
What are flashbacks?
Sometimes, after experiencing a trigger, intrusive memories come on rapidly. These difficult and vivid memories are referred to as “flashbacks.” A flashback is the memory of a past trauma, where you often re-experience the event as if it were actually happening again. A flashback may be brief, but can often bring up a snapshot or scene of the trauma that intrudes, invades, and disrupts daily activities.
It's important to note that flashbacks can be triggered by anything associated with the traumatic event(s) but can also happen seemingly out of nowhere. Flashbacks can be triggered by a loud noise, a smell, and/or a specific person. Unlike other upsetting memories, flashbacks tend to also have physical responses, like an increased heart rate or suddenly starting to sweat, because the body believes the trauma is actively occurring.
Re-experiencing the trauma in this way can make it difficult to discern what is happening now versus what happened then.
How do I Identify my stressors?
A major part of feeling as though you are beginning to heal is learning to manage upsetting memories and triggers. One way to help with this process is to create a chart that helps you identify triggers and your reactions when triggered.
Instructions for creating a trigger chart:
- In the first column, you can list any triggers you have identified. Remember, a trigger is anything that reminds you of the trauma and can take various forms including smells, people, places, sounds, and sights.
- In the second column, list your emotional responses when you are triggered. You may, for example, feel upset, disgusted, scared, overwhelmed, sad, and/or shocked.
- In the third column, list any additional stressors that may be triggering. This could be school around finals, having certain deadlines you have to meet at work, a visiting family member, etc.
- Take your time filling out the chart and try to connect with your body and your emotions to notice what feelings and responses are getting triggered. You are free to jot down other notes for yourself that help you tune into how you're feeling
- The main takeaway from creating a trigger chart is to be able to name what is happening in your body and what is causing these emotional changes for you. Once we become aware of these triggers, we can be mindful of our potential reactions before they cause us intense levels of distress. Your trigger chart can also help you create a map for yourself so that in the future you can navigate your triggers and upsetting memories.
Trigger Chart
How can I create a safe environment for myself?
Because we have discussed potentially distressing topics like triggers and flashbacks, it is important to talk about ways to move forward with this information. For that reason, let's transition to safety.
Safety is at the core of feeling protected from the harm you have endured. Having a safe environment is critical for your emotional, physical, and mental health and can help in the healing process. While we cannot always control what is happening around us, one helpful tool for managing distressing memories is allowing yourself to create an environment where you can grow, play, feel, and live safely.
Creating a safe environment where you can go when you are overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, or upset to recharge and feel assured that you are safe is an important part of the healing process. Creating boundaries that are respected in your safe place is also important.
These boundaries can include:
- Turning off your phone
- Not allowing others into your space when you are feeling stressed
- Allowing yourself to have as much alone time as you need
- Inviting in others who are warm and supportive of what you are feeling
- A safe environment can include spaces such as the following:
- A private office space to work uninterrupted
- A bedroom with a door and windows that lock
- A dining room filled with loved ones that you trust
- A space dedicated to a hobby that fills you with joy including an art room, writing room, dance room, movie room, home gym etc.
- A space where the door is kept open, knowing that leaving is an option and that you are not confined to just one room
First and foremost, choose a place or space that makes you feel at ease. Your choice of location does not have to be a separate room if that is not available to you, it can simply be a place where you feel that you have the ability to focus on your thoughts and can practice mindfulness during triggering or overwhelming moments.
Try creating a space that is organized and clean. You can add some of your favorite relaxing smells like lavender, vanilla, and/or mint. You can also add colors to your space that are calming to you. Decorations or quotes that speak to you, serve as a reminder to be kind to yourself, and make you feel safe can also help set the tone for your safe space.
When choosing the location of your space, consider some of the following questions:
- Where do I feel more comfortable/uncomfortable?
- Where do I feel safest/most unsafe?
- What times of the day do I feel safest/most unsafe?
- What kinds of smells are comforting/upsetting?
- What kinds of colors bring me joy/sadness?
- What kind of blankets, pillows, decorations bring me comfort?
- What are some other activities that can help me relax when I feel overwhelmed or triggered by distressing memories?
Feeling triggered is a natural reaction to distressing memories. Healing from trauma takes time and learning different activities that can help you manage these triggers. When you are feeling upset, sad, or distressed, it is important to take the time and the space you need to be patient and kind with yourself.
It can be helpful to create a list of self-care activities that you can turn to in order to help feel balanced and grounded again.
Activities can include some of the following:
- Taking a shower
- Talking to trusted, safe friend
- Writing poetry or journaling
- Listening to music
- Coloring, painting, and drawing
- Eating a good meal
- Watching something funny
- Speaking to a licensed therapist
- Playing and cuddling with an animal
- Working out or going on a run
- Baking or cooking with colorful foods
- Trying out a new hairstyle or painting your nails
- Gaming
- Gardening
- Using a weighted blanket and watching your favorite show
- Using soothing scents (like candles, bath soaps, tea, etc)
Make sure that your activities are relaxing, fun, and you have multiple options that are accessible in different types of environments (e.g., breathing exercises when you're at work, calling a friend or going for a walk when you're at home, etc). Be sure to add activities that replenish you and help you to feel connected with the world around you.
Week four covered various ways to manage upsetting memories of your abuse. The goal of week four's content is to help you identify current triggers and create a safe emotional environment to help you process when you are feeling overwhelmed by negative memories.
Because responses to trauma look different for everyone, there is no right way or wrong way to heal. With trauma also comes healing and resilience as you tend to your traumatic reactions with care and gentleness.
Have you checked in with yourself lately? Try this emotional & physical grounding worksheet.
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References
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US) (2014). Trauma-informed care in behavioral health services: Substance Abuse and Mental health Services Administration (US) Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
Davis, L. (1990). The courage to heal workbook: A guide for women and men survivors of child sexual abuse. HarperCollins Publishers.
Matsakis, A. (1996). I can't get over it: A handbook for trauma survivors. Raincoast Books.
Shersun, E. (2021). Healing sexual trauma workbook: Somatic skills to help you feel safe in your body, create boundaries, and live with resilience. New Harbinger Publications.