How Books Help Kids Recognize Abuse & Get Help

Talking with kids about body autonomy, consent, and sexual abuse feels intimidating to most parents. You may worry that you’ll introduce a subject too early, scare a younger child, or get dismissed by an independent teen.

Books can make these conversations easier.

Developmentally appropriate books give kids and adults something concrete to discuss. Reading with a younger child or discussing a book with a teen can help them feel more comfortable:

• Asking questions
• Using the right terms for their bodies
• Speaking up if they’re uncomfortable
• Talking to a trusted adult if they need help

Donna Bulatowicz, PhD, is an educator, writer, and researcher who knows exactly how important these conversations are. As a child, Dr. Donna experienced sexual abuse by an elementary school teacher. Despite that trauma, she pursued her dream of becoming a teacher herself—the kind of teacher who would protect children, build their confidence, and equip them to seek help if harm occurs. 

Today, Dr. Donna serves on the advisory board of the National Center to Stop Educator Sexual Abuse, Misconduct, and Exploitation, and she encourages families to use books to help kids understand consent, recognize abuse, and get help if they experience harm.

How Reading Can Prevent & Protect

Dr. Donna’s recommendations reflect a simple idea: Books don’t have to be educational to educate.

• A picture book can introduce the idea that a child may say no to a hug. 
• A novel can help a tween recognize grooming or harassment. 
• Fiction or memoir can help a teen see their own experience reflected in someone else’s story.

Most importantly, books can provide something every young person needs before they can ask for help: words for what happened.

Books can provide something every young person needs before they can ask for help: words for what happened.

Children’s Books Can Build Body Safety Skills

Picture books can introduce consent and body safety in ways that feel natural, not frightening.

A story can help a child learn important safety lessons:

• “Your body belongs to you.”
• “You can say no to physical affection.”
• “We should listen when someone says no.”
• “No part of the body is shameful to talk about.”
• “You can tell a trusted adult when something feels wrong or confusing.”

“You’ve got to give them the tools to know how to tell,” Dr. Donna explained. One of those tools is accurate language. 

For instance, Dr. Donna encourages adults to teach children the correct names for every body part. Nicknames may feel more comfortable to adults, but they can create confusion when a child needs to ask a serious question or describe inappropriate touching.

Books can introduce this vocabulary calmly and matter-of-factly. Adults can then follow the child’s lead rather than turning one question into a long lesson.

“When a child asks a question, they are ready to hear an answer about that specific question,” Dr. Donna said. “The adult only needs to respond to what the child actually asked, using simple language that fits the child’s age and level of understanding. You don’t need to talk about everything all at once.”

Reading together also creates something larger than a single body-safety conversation. The American Academy of Pediatrics (1) reports these benefits of shared reading: 

• Supports language and social-emotional development
• Strengthens relationships between young children and their parents 
• Creates regular opportunities for meaningful conversation.

“Every time you read a book to a child, you are building their brain,” Dr. Donna said.

Stories Can Promote Everyday Consent & Boundaries

“Teach your kids consent—early and often,” said Dr. Donna. “As an adult, you may think it’s harmless to insist on a hug from a child you love, but a child may interpret that as a rule that says adults are entitled to affection and children cannot refuse.”

Reading books about consent and boundaries can help children learn; engaging with them afterward can help them put those lessons into practice.

Books are one prevention tool, not a guarantee of safety. Children also need attentive adults and safe, stable, nurturing relationships in which they know they will be heard. Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2)(3) and RAINN identify supportive relationships and open communication as important for reducing risk and helping children speak up. 

Both the CDC and RAINN identify supportive relationships and open communication as important for reducing risk and helping children speak up. 

Middle-Grade Books Can Help Tweens Recognize Harm

By the middle-grade years, young people may know the basics of consent but have difficulty recognizing more nuanced behaviors.

Even adults can struggle to recognize grooming, harassment, and abuses of authority, so it’s important to learn the warning signs and talk about them with your tween. Many child abusers understand the power of making a child feel that someone important has “chosen” them, so they mask their intentions and actions with praise, attention, gifts, secrecy, special treatment, or inappropriate “romance”. 

Reading stories can help children explore other people’s perspectives and think through difficult social situations. Fiction allows a young person to explore what happened to someone else before they are ready—or ever need—to connect the story to their own life.

Helpful books can help middle-grade readers:

• Recognize warning signs
• Identify abuse 
• Learn how to tell a trusted adult 

Conversations about a story can deepen a tween’s learning—particularly when adults invite the child’s own questions and interpretations. 

“Tell Me More”

Adults should stay curious when a young person describes someone or something in a way that feels incomplete.

A tween is less likely to say, “Someone is grooming me,” or, “This person is abusing their authority”; they’re more likely to say, “That person is weird,” or, “This person is mean.”

As a child, Dr. Donna told her parents that a teacher was “too pushy.” She meant the teacher was abusing her, but her parents understood her comment differently.

“Sometimes kids think they’re giving more information than adults might receive,” Dr. Donna said. “So it’s also important for adults to say, ‘Tell me more.’”

”Tell me more” invites a young person to continue without telling them what to say, demanding disclosure, or requiring the child to fully understand what happened.

YA Fiction & Memoir Can Help Teens Name Their Experiences

Teens often prefer stories that reflect their own experiences, uncertainties, and complexities. Young adult novels and memoirs can capture a teen’s attention and explore complex issues more effectively than a short educational resource.

Books can help teens address complex questions around sex, abuse, and trauma:

• What “counts” as sexual abuse or assault?
• What if someone doesn’t fight back?
• Can you still care about the person who harmed you?
• What happens when survivors tell?
• How can trauma affect someone?

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (4) notes that teens may wait to disclose sexual abuse for many reasons, including: 

• Confusion about what happened
• Shame
• Fear of being blamed or not believed
• Fear of punishment or retaliation

Research has shown that reading and discussing stories can help young people recognize something they have not yet been able to name. (5)(6) This is why books do not have to look educational to teach something important. 

Reading and discussing stories can help young people recognize something they have not yet been able to name.

Few teens will choose to read a guide labeled “sexual abuse prevention.” Instead, they’ll reach for a mystery, romance, fantasy, horror, memoir, or graphic novel—and recognize part of their own experience along the way.

(“Graphic novels are reading,” Dr. Donna affirmed. “Important reading!”)

Give Teens Choice, Privacy, & Support

Dr. Donna acknowledged that some young adult books include intense portrayals of sexual violence, exploitation, self-harm, suicide, substance use, or other difficult experiences. A book that feels validating to one reader may feel overwhelming to another. Whenever possible, adults should preview books or consult reliable content information. 

Before recommending a book to a young person, consider: 

• Their developmental readiness
• Their personal experiences
• Their current circumstances
• The type and intensity of the material

Adults can also make support available without requiring a teen to discuss what they read or explain why they chose it.

Try saying:

• “I’m here if you ever want to talk about the book.”
• “Some parts may be difficult. You can stop at any time.”
• “You don’t have to tell me why you chose it.”
• “We can find a different book if this one does not feel right.”

Respecting a teen’s privacy and choices can be part of respecting their autonomy.

Start With One Story

Books serve different purposes at different stages. No book will reach every reader, and reading alone cannot prevent sexual violence or ensure that a young person will seek help if someone harms them.

Stories can give young people words and examples that help them understand experiences they may not yet know how to explain.

But stories can give young people words and examples that help them understand experiences they may not yet know how to explain. Sometimes, recognizing yourself in someone else’s story is the first step toward safety, help, and healing.

Find Books That Help Kids Understand Consent, Recognize Abuse, & Get Help

Ready to get started?

• Choose one book. (Let the young person help choose when possible.)
• Ask what they thought.
• Listen carefully to the answer.

Common Sense Media offers families well-researched guidance, age-based ratings, and expert reviews that help them use media and tech in healthy ways.

About Donna Bulatowicz, PhD

Dr. Donna Bulatowicz is an educator, researcher, and survivor of educator sexual abuse with more than 20 years of experience teaching children and preparing future teachers. Her expertise spans children’s literature, reading instruction, curriculum development, trauma, and child sexual abuse prevention. She trains school personnel to recognize and prevent educator sexual misconduct and serves on the advisory board of NC S.E.S.A.M.E., the National Center to Stop Educator Sexual Abuse, Misconduct, and Exploitation.

Sources

(1) American Academy of Pediatrics, Pediatrics, Nov. 25, 2024, “Literacy Promotion: An Essential Component of Primary Care Pediatric Practice”

(2) Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, (May 2024), “Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect”

(3) Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, (November 2024), “Conversation Tips for Connecting Conversations”

(4) The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, (2018), “Why Don’t They Tell? Teens and Sexual Assault Disclosure”

(5) Gasser, L., Dammert, Y. & Murphy, P.K. How Do Children Socially Learn from Narrative Fiction: Getting the Lesson, Simulating Social Worlds, or Dialogic Inquiry?. Educ Psychol Rev 34, 1445–1475 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10648-022-09667-4

(6) Kucirkova N (2019) How Could Children’s Storybooks Promote Empathy? A Conceptual Framework Based on Developmental Psychology and Literary Theory. Front. Psychol. 10:121. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00121