How To Stay Strong & Support Your Child: A Parent’s Guide to Self-Care

Discovering that your child has experienced sexual abuse is devastating. The pain, anger, and sense of helplessness can feel overwhelming—particularly if your child was abused by someone you know and trusted.

Your response is critical to your child’s healing. By practicing regular self-care, you can build the strength and resilience you need to maintain a safe, supportive environment for your child’s recovery and growth.

Know the Statistics

If you previously believed child sexual abuse (CSA) rarely occurs, you aren’t alone. Many loving, attentive parents are shocked to learn that their child was sexually abused. Understanding the true scope of this crime can help you break the silence, find support, and protect other children from sexual predators.

• 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys experience CSA before age 18
• In 90% of cases, the child knows their abuser
• Many survivors of CSA delay disclosure for years, often reporting as adults

6 Self-Care Steps for Parents of Child Survivors

These recommendations are designed for parents and guardians of minor children, tweens, and teens under age 18. 

As legal dependents, children need healthy, reliable caregivers who can help them navigate their trauma. To be that caregiver, you must also take care of yourself. 

These steps can help:

1. Learn About Trauma Responses in Children & Youth

Knowing how sexual abuse impacts children can help you prepare for the emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms your child may experience. When you know what to watch for, you’ll be better equipped to support your child without becoming overwhelmed yourself.

• Educate yourself about trauma responses. A child’s developmental stage determines how the trauma manifests. Behaviors that might seem intentionally “bad” are likely directed by the trauma they experienced.

• Seek trauma-informed care for your child. Look for medical and mental health professionals who specialize in treating children who have been abused. You cannot support your child all by yourself. 

Trauma Responses in Babies & Toddlers

Babies under 2 years old may not remember trauma in the way older children do, but they can still be deeply affected by it. Their trauma responses often manifest through attachment and behavior issues such as:

• Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, frequent waking, or nightmares
• Feeding changes: Refusing to eat or disruptions in feeding habits
• Excessive crying: Seeming inconsolable or crying more than usual
• Regression: Returning to earlier behaviors, such as wanting to be swaddled or losing newly learned skills
• Fear of separation: Increased clinginess or distress when separated from their parent or caregiver
• Heightened startle response: Reacting strongly to loud noises or sudden movements
• Physical symptoms: Unexplained fussiness, stomach aches, or other signs of physical distress

Trauma Responses in Children & Tweens

Children from 3 to 12 years old often express trauma through behavioral and emotional changes. Sometimes, parents misinterpret these symptoms as defiance or moodiness. Your child may exhibit trauma responses such as:

• Increased fearfulness: Anxiety about safety, fear of being alone, or phobias related to the trauma
• Anger or aggression: Outbursts, irritability, or hitting
• Sadness or withdrawal: Loss of interest in activities, frequent daydreaming or “zoning out”

• Regression: Returning to early behaviors like bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or needing a security object
• Hyperactivity or distraction: Difficulty focusing in school or at home
• Reenacting the trauma: Using play, drawings, or stories to act out the traumatic event

• Somatic complaints: Headaches, stomach aches, or other aches without a clear medical cause
• Sleep issues: Nightmares, night terrors, or reluctance to sleep alone

• Increased dependency: Becoming overly reliant on their caregivers
• Distrust: Fear or avoidance of people who remind them of the trauma

Trauma Responses in Teens

Teenagers, like adults, may experience more internal symptoms of trauma—but teens are often particularly reluctant to talk about their feelings. Teenagers’ commonly display trauma responses such as:

• Mood swings: Intense sadness, irritability, or anger that seems out of proportion
• Anxiety or fear: Worry about safety, hypervigilance, or fear of specific people or situations
• Shame or guilt: Feeling responsible for the trauma or “damaged” by it
• Numbness: Difficulty expressing or identifying their emotions

• Risk-taking behaviors: Recklessness, substance use, unsafe sex, or other self-destructive actions
• Isolation: Withdrawing from their friends, family, or activities
• Avoidance: Refusing to discuss or think about the trauma or avoiding reminders of it

• Difficulty concentrating: Struggling with schoolwork or losing interest in academics
• Negative self-image: Feeling unworthy or overly critical of themselves

• Sleep disruptions: Insomnia, nightmares, or oversleeping
• Chronic pain: Ongoing complaints of headaches or stomach aches without clear medical reasons
• Conflict with authority: Arguing with parents, teachers, and other authority figures
• Trust issues: Avoiding close relationships or distrusting others

2. Recognize & Deal With Your Own Emotions

Your ability to stay calm and present is vital for your child’s recovery. Children often mirror their parents’ emotions, so managing your own stress can help them feel more secure.

• Take time to process your feelings. Mindfulness practices and journaling can help you understand and regulate your emotions, especially before talking with your child.

• Seek support for yourself. Therapy and support groups can be especially helpful for parents who are struggling to cope with the grief, pain, and anger of knowing their child was sexually abused.

3. Stay Active to Release Stress & Battle Anxiety

Physical activity can help you process your emotions and release trauma-related tension alongside your child. When parents prioritize physical activity, children are more likely to remain active, too.

• For parents of young children: Engage them in play-based activities like running, dancing, or swinging at the park.

• For parents of teenagers: Encourage sports, yoga, or other activities they enjoy. Avoid pushing them into activities they aren’t comfortable with; retaining a sense of control is essential to healing from trauma.

4. Stay Strong with Nutritious Food

Sexual trauma can disrupt a child’s appetite and eating habits—as well as your own. Balanced nutrition supports both physical and emotional healing and prepares your child for a lifetime of nutritional self-care.

• Create mealtime routines to deter disordered eating. Consistent mealtimes support beneficial eating habits. Eating as a family provides a safe space for positive interactions and helps everyone maintain healthy brain and body functions.

• Plan no-pressure meals. When stress is high, you may be tempted to skip meals or overindulge in foods that aren’t very nourishing. Because regular meals are so important, stick with easy-to-prepare, nutrient-rich meals your kids love. Involve your older kids in the meal preparation to give them a sense of control and accomplishment. 

5. Ensure Safe Spaces

Many perpetrators of child sexual abuse are trusted individuals—family members, caregivers, or others close to the family. Protecting your child from further harm and rebuilding their sense of safety can also help you rebuild a sense of security.

• Set clear, unwavering boundaries. If anyone makes you or your children feel uncomfortable or unsafe, trust your instincts and keep them away from your family. When your kids see you holding firm boundaries, they learn that it’s okay to set boundaries of their own.

• Teach age-appropriate safety skills. Child survivors may need extra attention to learn to respect others’ personal space and how to say “NO!” with force. Regularly remind your child that telling you if they feel uncomfortable is always okay—that you’ll believe them and help them.

6. Create Comfort Through Routine

For children who have experienced sexual abuse, hygiene routines like bathing or brushing their teeth can feel overwhelming and may trigger intense reactions. Slowly help them re-establish safe and positive hygiene rituals so they can continue to heal and live a healthy life.

• Establish gentle routines. For younger children, incorporate playful elements, like bath toys or calming music. 

• Cultivate consistency. For teens, respect their privacy and autonomy while encouraging regular hygienic self-care. Offer them options for products that make them feel comfortable.

Healing Together

Supporting your child through healing from sexual abuse requires patience, love, and a commitment to self-care for yourself and your family. As you prioritize their recovery, don’t forget to take care of yourself. 

Parenting through trauma is challenging, but you are not alone. Resources like RAINN, local advocacy centers, and survivor support groups are available to help.

Together, step by step, you and your child can move toward healing and reclaiming a sense of safety and hope.

Medical Disclaimer: Please note that the content on this site does not constitute medical advice, and RAINN is not a medical expert. If you have further questions after reading this information, please contact a local healthcare professional or hospital.