“It Ends With Us” Raises Tough Questions About Responsible Storytelling

Contributed by Sona Kaur, PHD, for RAINN Consulting Group

“It Ends With Us” is based on the wildly successful best-selling novel penned by Colleen Hoover. It follows Lily Blossom Bloom (played by Blake Lively), a florist who meets, falls in love with, and marries Ryle (played by Justin Baldoni). While navigating and eventually leaving this relationship, Lily continues to process and heal from the childhood trauma of witnessing her father abuse her mother.

While watching the film, I was doing the inevitable—comparing how much the storyline in the book matched up with the film. I was struck by how intentionally the violence was visualized on-screen. The violence wasn’t always obvious, making audiences question what was really happening—an experience that often reflects real survivor experiences in which the victim doubts their own reality.

But as I left the pre-screening of the film, I looked through the promotional tote bag I had received.

There were no brochures about national hotlines or local sexual assault service providers.

There were no resources identifying domestic violence shelters or explaining what domestic or sexual violence is.

And there was no guidance on how to support someone who may be experiencing intimate partner violence.

(There was, however, a copy of the book and several beauty products.)

I was struck by two more glaring omissions:

There was no content warning at the start of the movie. And a list of support resources didn’t appear until after the credits—when most of the audience had already left the theater.

Telling Stories That Are Intentional, Victim-Centered, & Trauma-Informed

Survivors began pointing out story oversights immediately after the film’s August 9th premiere. At the same time, marketing for the film was lighthearted, focused on florals and promoting Lively’s business ventures.

Survivors have shared concerning accounts of what it was like to watch the film, including experiences of retraumatization.

How Stories Can Retraumatize Survivors of Sexual Violence

I’ve helped film and television creators build healthier cultures that ensure responsible depictions of sexual violence and a trauma-informed production approach throughout the creative process. When consulting with the entertainment industry, RAINN leverages the latest research, industry best practices, and over 30 years of operating the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

Because we support survivors every day, we know trauma can impact one’s sense of safety and self, and leave individuals feeling powerless. Traumatic effects like the perception of danger and panic can linger long after the initial harm was experienced as survivors try to cope with the trauma. Witnessing violence through a film like “It Ends With Us” can reactivate those traumatic effects for survivors.

Avoiding Retraumatization

Trauma-informed storytelling acknowledges the realities of retraumatization and brings back some level of control by empowering viewers with: 

• Information about what will be shown

• The option to not view the material (e.g., forwarding past violent scenes, made more possible with an at-home streaming experience)

• Support resources that appear both before and after the film

The film industry should incorporate these practices across all promotional efforts—in social media posts, cast interviews, and in any materials provided to audiences after watching.

Safety & Well-Being: On-Screen & Behind the Scenes

Films that tackle sensitive subject matter must consider the needs of not only viewers but also those behind the camera who are bringing these stories to life.

Establishing Trauma-Informed Productions

Research reveals that sexual abuse, assault, and misconduct—whether within or outside of intimate relationships—are common but underreported. A trauma-informed set recognizes the prevalence of sexual misconduct. It implements various forms of support for its cast and crew to enhance safety and well-being throughout the entire production.

Examples of On-Set Support

To its credit, Wayfarer Studios (the studio behind the film) went to great lengths to ensure the “It Ends With Us” book-to-screen adaptation was handled with care and sensitivity. Baldoni and Lively worked with an intimacy coordinator and a female stunt coordinator, and the production offered reimbursement for therapy (though Baldoni wished they had a psychologist on set for additional support.)

On-set support can also look like many other things, including studios having clear policies that communicate conduct expectations for how all cast and crew can maintain a safe and healthy workplace where boundaries are respected. Those policies should also outline how to report concerns.

Working on a set where violence and trauma are key themes in a project can increase the risk of retraumatizing cast and crew who are also survivors. Studios can offer expert support via hotlines that provide a safe place to disclose, resources and information, crisis support, and dedicated support funds for services like counseling sessions. This can help creators provide support around any difficulties or negative effects (such as overwhelm and stress) their team may experience when interacting with traumatic material. That includes team members who are acting in, directing, supporting as crew, and editing scenes containing violence.

Balancing Entertainment & Education

The film’s controversial marketing has reignited an important conversation about the effectiveness and need for content warnings. But the critical—and unpleasant—question is this: If the marketing hadn’t taken such a lighthearted and fun “grab your friends, wear your florals” approach, would this film have been as successful at the box office?

I’m not sure of the answer, and I’m definitely not suggesting that films about sexual and domestic violence should ever hide their main themes. Doing so is the opposite of trauma-informed storytelling. But it does feel like the need to entertain often comes at the cost of educating about the realities of violence, and that the focus turns to appealing to as many potential viewers as possible over promoting the safety of viewers who may also be survivors.

A lack of transparency in naming the violence in a film like “It Ends With Us” can further stigmatize an already stigmatized issue and runs the risk of reinforcing the various negative outcomes survivors commonly experience.

4 Key Takeaways About Abuse From “It Ends With Us”

From RAINN’s work in the industry, we know that trauma-informed storytelling doesn’t begin and stop at the production level. Rather, decisions about how a film will be handled—the support available to cast and crew on set, the film’s content, and the overall messaging—should be aligned at all stages of the production cycle: pre-, during, and post. “It Ends With Us” suffers from this misalignment, making it easy to see why the public outcry has overshadowed the original intention behind the film.

But outside of its marketing, “It Ends With Us” contains some unique and impactful storytelling choices about sexual and domestic violence.

1. Honest, Impactful Storytelling

First, the on-screen depiction of violence is intentionally confusing early in the film but eventually coalesces into clear abuse when a more sinister Ryle sexually assaults Lily in the final abuse scene. However, Ryle’s earlier violence seemingly occurs by accident, during already chaotic situations, leaving even him with injuries at times. We do not see him “intentionally” put his hands on Lily, but we see him tend to her injuries. 

Altogether, this allows viewers to inhabit Lily’s confusion about the relationship, a quality that is common to many abusive relationships. Interspersed with these violent incidents are moments that effectively show how love and abuse can coexist in the same relationship.

2. Recognizing Abuse

Given its potential for harm, creators must be responsible with any decision-making around depicting violence—including whether to visualize it in the first place, then to what extent, and when. 

The creators behind “It Ends With Us” seem to have taken this responsibility seriously, with the intention of using recovered memories to highlight the difficulties of identifying abuse in the first place (even after witnessing it during childhood) and to avoid victim-blaming.

3. Perpetrators Don’t Come With a Warning Sign

Additionally, the film challenges audiences’ perceptions of who can be a perpetrator. Perpetrators do not come with a warning sign. They are, in the case of Ryle, attractive, successful, loving, and charismatic neurosurgeons, or in the case of Lily’s abusive father, a “prodigious and adored” town mayor (as described in the book).

That anyone can be a perpetrator is one of the realities that we at RAINN often shed light on in our work. Hoover herself suggested Baldoni play Ryle for these reasons, noting, “You need someone in the role of Ryle where it’s going to hurt when you see them not turning out how you wish they could be.” 

Attractive qualities allow perpetrators to maintain power and control over victims and more easily avoid accountability. They also make it harder for victims to leave an unsafe relationship.

4. Escaping Violence: A Simplistic Portrayal

The film also grapples with the realities of escaping violence. It shows Lily with a strong support system (including Ryle’s sister), without any obvious mental health struggles, without any negative financial impacts from the abuse she experiences, and with the ability to get a divorce without any real pushback from Ryle. This simplistic and idealistic portrayal of leaving an abusive relationship has been met with plenty of criticism.

The concern that the film is misleading and dangerous to victims who look to it as a model is a valid one. Baldoni has shared that he hopes the film allows victims to see themselves on screen and gives them the courage to leave an abusive relationship. He also hopes it encourages men like Ryle to do better.

This got me thinking: What are the ramifications when films honestly depict the reality that many survivors experience vs. focus on inspiring hope, change, and modeling the type of world we want to live in?

One Film Cannot Do It All, but “It Ends With Us” Does a Lot

In some ways, “It Ends With Us” does simplify the issue of domestic and sexual violence. But no single film could ever capture all of the nuances and complexities in 2 hours and 11 minutes. As these forms of violence continue to be included in storylines, creators have an opportunity to bring forward more varied representations of how sexual and domestic violence occurs—and how survivors experience it.

Working with our entertainment partners, we at RAINN recognize this is no small feat, but we need creators to recognize their power to evolve how people talk about these issues. And we need them to consider the safety and well-being of not only the viewers but also everyone involved in the creative process.

One film cannot do it all. But for many reasons—some good, some not-so-good—”It Ends With Us” is playing an important role in how we think about, talk about, and visualize on-screen violence.