Sexual violence doesn’t just happen in dark alleys or at the hands of strangers. More often, it happens behind closed doors—by someone the survivor knows, loves, or once trusted. In many cases, it’s an intimate partner.
What Is Intimate Partner Sexual Violence?
Intimate partner sexual violence refers to any sexual act committed without consent in the context of an intimate relationship. This can include dating partners, spouses, live-in partners, or anyone with whom the survivor shares a romantic or sexual connection.
Whether you’re in a straight or same-sex relationship, married or casually dating, intimate partner sexual violence is about control, not love—and it can happen to anyone.
Consent Is Foundational To Healthy Relationships
Whether you call it intimate partner rape, spousal rape, or domestic sexual abuse, the core issue is the same: consent. No matter the relationship status, no one ever owes their partner sex. Consent must be freely given every time.
Red Flags in Relationships
Sexual violence rarely happens in isolation. It’s often part of a larger pattern of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse. Many survivors report being sexually assaulted by a partner who also controlled their money, isolated them from friends, or physically harmed them.
Warning signs of a potentially abusive partner include someone who:
- Tries to control where you go and who you see
- Gets jealous or angry when you spend time with others
- Insults or belittles you
- Sabotages your job or education
- Withholds money or controls your access to it
- Destroys property or threatens your pets or children
- Tells you no one else will love you
These behaviors may escalate over time. What begins as emotional manipulation can lead to physical and sexual violence.
What “Counts” as Intimate Partner Sexual Violence?
It’s not just forced intercourse. Intimate partner sexual violence can involve many actions that violate bodily autonomy and consent.
Examples include:
- Forcing or coercing sex through threats or guilt
- Ignoring your refusal or safe words
- Engaging in sexual activity while you’re asleep, intoxicated, or unable to consent
- Refusing to use protection or sabotaging birth control
- Pressuring you into sex after a fight
- Recording or sharing sexual interactions without your consent
- Using sex as a tool for punishment or control
- Making degrading sexual comments or demands
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and it’s not your fault.
Why It’s Hard to Come Forward
Leaving or reporting an abusive partner is complicated. You may still care for them. You might worry about your safety, finances, or what people will think. Maybe you’re not even sure if what happened “counts” as sexual violence. These are normal feelings—and survivors often carry them quietly.
- Reach out. You can contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline by phone, chat, or text. It’s free, anonymous, and available 24/7.
- Connect with support groups. Organizations like Survivors of Incest Anonymous offer peer-led spaces to process your story and rebuild trust.
- Find a trauma-informed therapist. Look for professionals who specialize in childhood sexual abuse or incest trauma. Learn more.
Safety Planning
When the abuser is also your partner, current and long-term safety can be a serious concern. Safety planning involves preparing to get safe, stay safe, and feel safe.
Explore RAINN’s safety planning steps:
- When someone is hurting you
- When someone is stalking you
- When you’re ready to leave an abusive partner
What You Can Do
Reclaiming your life after surviving sexual abuse by an intimate partner is a process—and you don’t have to go through it alone. Here are a few steps that can help:
- Find a safe place. Identify safe places near you, such as local domestic violence shelters or the homes of trusted friends. Talk to a sexual assault service provider in your area for guidance.
- Reach out. You can contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline by phone, chat, or text. It’s free, anonymous, and available 24/7.
- Report the crime. Learn about your reporting options and what to expect from the criminal justice system.
- Find a trauma-informed therapist. Look for professionals who specialize in supporting survivors of sexual trauma. Learn more.
You’re Worthy of Safety
You don’t have to go through this alone. When and if you’re ready, support is available—confidentially and without judgment.
Your safety matters. Your story matters. And you deserve support.
Last updated: July 6, 2025