Sexual abuse by a family member—also known as incest—is one of the most painful and misunderstood forms of trauma. It involves a betrayal of trust that cuts deep, often happening during childhood or adolescence, when individuals are most vulnerable and reliant on family for protection, guidance, and love.
What Is Incest?
Incest refers to sexual abuse or contact between family members. This can include parents, siblings, cousins, stepparents, or others within a household or extended family—whether they’re related by blood, adoption, or marriage. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, about one-third of child sexual abuse cases involve a family member.
Most perpetrators of child sexual abuse
are acquaintances (59%) or family members (34%). Only 7% are strangers. 1Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement (2000).
See More Facts & StatisticsActs that may be considered sexual abuse by a family member include:
- Acts that may be considered sexual abuse by a family member include:
- Rape or attempted rape
- Fondling or unwanted sexual touching
- Forcing or coercing the victim to touch the perpetrator
- Exposing genitals
- Masturbating in front of the victim
- Forcing the victim to watch pornography
- Inappropriate sexual conversations or comments
- Sexual grooming (building trust with the intent to exploit)
- Using emotional manipulation to create a sexual or romantic dynamic
- Covert incest (treating a child as a surrogate partner or emotional confidante)
Non-Physical Incest
It’s important to note that incest is not just about physical acts. It can also involve sexual grooming, emotional manipulation, or coercion into non-physical sexual acts. These experiences can be confusing, especially when they come from someone you trust.
Covert incest—sometimes called emotional incest—doesn’t always involve physical contact. Instead, a parent or caregiver uses a child to meet their emotional needs in ways that are inappropriate and confusing, like turning the child into a surrogate partner or confidante. It can leave lasting psychological wounds, even without physical abuse.
Why Family Member Sexual Abuse Is So Damaging
The fallout from incest is profound because it violates a foundational relationship.
A child’s early years should be about learning safety, love, and self-worth. When abuse enters that picture, it replaces safety with fear and confusion. Survivors may grow up struggling with boundaries, trust, and even how they see their own bodies.
You may not have realized what you went through was abuse. Maybe you trusted the person. Maybe they told you it was normal or that they weren’t doing anything wrong.
All sexual abuse—no matter who committed it, how often it happened, or how it made you feel at the time—is serious. And it’s never the survivor’s fault.
Why It’s Hard to Talk About
Disclosing sexual abuse by a family member is incredibly difficult. Survivors often carry guilt, shame, or fear that people won’t believe them—or may even blame them. Sometimes, they care about the abuser and don’t want them to get in trouble. Others fear retaliation or being rejected by the rest of the family.
In many cases, survivors tried to speak up as kids, but adults didn’t listen—or worse, covered it up.
That silence is not your fault. And you’re not alone.
Survivors of sexual abuse by a family member often delay disclosure until adulthood—if they ever tell at all. But healing begins when truth is spoken, whether out loud or even just to yourself.
Saying, “I was abused by someone in my family,” is brave. And it’s valid.
Signs You May Be Dealing With the Effects of Abuse
Survivors of incest may experience a wide range of symptoms that affect mental, emotional, and physical health, including:
- Anxiety, panic attacks, or persistent fear
- Trouble focusing in school or work
- Dissociation (feeling detached from your body or surroundings)
- Substance use or disordered eating
- Difficulty regulating emotions like anger or sadness
- Nightmares or trouble sleeping
- Challenges in relationships and intimacy
- More warning signs of sexual abuse
These responses are not weaknesses. They’re survival strategies your mind and body used to protect you. And while they may no longer serve you, they helped you survive. That strength matters.
What You Can Do
Healing from sexual abuse by a family member is a process—and you don’t have to go through it alone. Here are a few steps that can help:
- Reach out. You can contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline by phone, chat, or text. It’s free, anonymous, and available 24/7.
- Connect with support groups. Organizations like Survivors of Incest Anonymous offer peer-led spaces to process your story and rebuild trust.
- Find a trauma-informed therapist. Look for professionals who specialize in childhood sexual abuse or incest trauma. Learn more.
If You Suspect a Child Is Being Abused
- Speak up. If you’re a mandatory reporter—such as a teacher, social worker, or healthcare provider—you’re legally obligated to report abuse.
- Talk to the child. Let them know they’re safe and that you believe them.
- Report the abuse. You can contact Child Protective Services, law enforcement, or your state’s Department of Human Services.
For state-specific laws on reporting, visit RAINN’s State Law Database.
You Are Not Alone
Family member sexual abuse is one of the most isolating forms of abuse—but support exists. Whether it happened years ago or is still happening, your story matters. You deserve healing, safety, and a life filled with dignity and peace.