If Someone Is Pressuring or Coercing You

No one has the right to pressure or manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do—especially when it comes to your body, your boundaries, and your safety. 

Coercion is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. Perpetrators of sexual violence often use it to gain power and control, and it can make people feel confused, afraid, ashamed, or trapped.

If someone is pressuring you into any kind of unwanted behavior—sexual or otherwise—it is not your fault. You are not alone, and help is available.

What Is Coercion?

Coercion is any attempt to control or manipulate someone into saying yes when they don’t want to. It can include:

• Guilt-tripping or shaming
• Threatening to end a relationship
• Repeatedly ignoring “no” or physical resistance

• Pressuring someone who is intoxicated or vulnerable
• Using fear, intimidation, or anger to influence someone’s choices

• Using sadness, crying, or woundedness to influence someone’s choices

6 Ways To Respond to Pressure & Coercion

Here are some steps you can take to reduce your risk of harm and reclaim control in the moment:

1. Trust Your Instincts

You don’t need a reason to say no. If something feels off, uncomfortable, or wrong, trust your gut and take steps to protect yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

2. Remind Yourself: “This Is Not My Fault”

Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions. Nothing you said, did, wore, or implied justifies someone pressuring or coercing you. Blame and shame belong solely to the person crossing the line.

3. Use a Code Word

Set up a signal in advance with a trusted friend or family member. It could be a text like “311” or a phrase like “I forgot to feed the cat.” When you use it, they’ll know you’re in trouble and can help by calling, interrupting, or coming to get you.

4. Know Your Exit Strategy

Be aware of your surroundings. Where are the exits? Is there a bathroom you can duck into and make a call? Could you pretend to get a phone call, check on a friend, or step away for a moment to regroup or get help? Safety planning can help you escape a high-risk situation.

5. It’s Okay To Lie To Get to Safety

If telling the truth feels unsafe, make an excuse. Say you’re feeling sick, need to check on someone, or have somewhere to be. You don’t owe honesty to someone who is disrespecting your boundaries. Say whatever you need to say to remove yourself from the situation safely.

6. Get Support Afterward

Even if nothing physical happened, coercion and pressure can be emotionally traumatic. You deserve care, support, and space to process your experience. 

Talking to a friend, therapist, or advocate can help. You can also reach out to a trained support specialist at RAINN.

You Deserve To Be Safe

Everyone deserves relationships that are built on respect and trust, not fear or control. 

If you or someone you know is being coerced, remember that support is available. RAINN is here to help you take your next steps safely, whether that means leaving a harmful situation, processing what happened, or finding healing.