For Parents & Caregivers: Protecting & Supporting Kids

The fight to end child sexual abuse (CSA) almost never looks like the movies. You don’t need special forces training or a vigilante streak to keep kids safer. In fact, decades of research show that some of the most effective prevention tactics are also the simplest. 

6 Ways To Reduce Your Kid’s Risk of CSA

Here’s how parents, guardians, and caregivers can improve a child’s odds of avoiding victimization:

1. Be Healthy

According to research compiled by INSPQ, a parent’s well-being is critical to reducing their child’s risk of experiencing sexual violence. 

CSA is more likely to occur when:

• Parents don’t provide supervision
• Parents use drugs and alcohol
• Parents have mental health conditions

• Parents promote the hypersexualization of children
• Children live with a stepfather or other non-relative parental figure

Practicing self-care can help you be a healthier, happier parent. Eating well, staying active, and participating in therapy are just a few ways parents can keep themselves strong and their kids safer.

2. Be Involved

Parents can reduce their child’s risk of sexual abuse by staying actively involved in their child’s life. Your consistent, attentive presence can help you notice if your child exhibits any of the warning signs of CSA. Children who feel secure with their parents are also more likely to speak up if they experience something that feels wrong. 

• Ask your child questions. Invite your kid to talk about what they did during the day and who they hung out with. You might start with a question like, “Who did you sit with at lunchtime?” then follow it up with, “What do you like about that friend?“ Show that you’re genuinely interested in your child’s day-to-day experiences.

• Listen to your child. When your kid wants to talk, take the time to listen. Take their concerns seriously and avoid judging their insights and feelings. If you’re parenting a shyer kid, try asking open-ended questions like, “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” When your child feels supported by you, they may be more likely to come to you in the future—even if what they want to share is difficult. 

• Set aside time for your child. Life is demanding, and many parents hardly have time to breathe, let alone coax their kids into conversations. If opportunities to talk are infrequent, plan regular one-on-one time where you can give your child your undivided attention. 

• Tell your child you’re safe. What feels obvious to you isn’t always clear to a kid. Regularly remind your child that they can come to you any time they feel worried, scared, or uncomfortable about anything. Let them know that you will listen without judgment and do everything possible to keep them safe. If your child reaches out to you for support, follow through on your promises. 

3. Be Aware

Protecting kids would be so much easier if “bad guys” wore warning labels—but they don’t. That’s why it’s important for parents to know the real signs of CSA and stay alert to red flags.

• Know the warning signs. Learn the warning signs of CSA and take them seriously. If you see any physical, behavioral, or emotional changes in your child talk to someone you trust, like your child’s pediatrician or a school social worker. RAINN’s support specialists on the National Sexual Assault Hotline can help you plan your next steps.

• Carefully choose your child’s caregivers. Whether you’re looking for a babysitter, selecting a school, or signing your kid up for an activity, be diligent about screening your child’s caregivers. Don’t assume a caregiver is “safe” just because they’re charming or friendly.

• Know the people in your child’s life. Stay aware of who your child spends time with, including other kids and adults. Ask questions about your child’s interactions with their classmates and friends, teachers and coaches, other parents, and even relatives. Talk about these relationships and interactions openly and honestly, and do not defend bad behavior—even from authority figures. 

4. Be Open

Many parents have a tough time talking about sex and sexuality with their kids, and you may feel overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to discuss sexual abuse. Instead of conducting one big, scary lecture about risk and safety, consider incorporating important messages throughout everyday conversation.

By normalizing open communication about subjects that might seem embarrassing or uncomfortable, parents equip their children to honor their intuition, stand up for what’s right, and get help when it’s needed.

• Take cues from your kid’s media. Shows, movies, and social media provide plenty of opportunities to discuss safety. Ask questions like, “Have you heard of this happening before?” or “What would you do in that situation?” These interactions can help your child know they can talk about anything with you. 

• Talk about secret-keeping. Perpetrators often manipulate young children into hiding abuse by telling them it’s a “secret.” Teach your kids that it’s wrong for anyone to ask them to keep “secrets” that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Let them know that they will never get in trouble for sharing a secret with you, no matter what the secret is. Remind them that they should also tell you if their friend is hiding a secret that makes them feel scared or yucky. 
• Take punishment off the table. Many children hesitate to report CSA out of fear that they’ll get in trouble. Avoid punishing your child for telling the truth, and remind them frequently that they can talk to you at any time about anything. Every action has consequences—pleasant and unpleasant—but you can teach your child about consequences without making them afraid of punishment.  

5. Be Empowering

Consent is an empowering concept that children of every age can learn to expect and respect. The best way to help kids understand consent is by modeling it with your own actions and reactions. These lessons can equip children to recognize when something isn’t right and give them the courage to speak up.

• Teach your child to say “NO!” Children are typically raised to obey adults, so you must also teach them that “NO!” is the right response to unwanted touching. Support your child’s touch boundaries, even when they’re inconvenient. Don’t pressure your child to hug people (even family members) or force them to participate in contact activities. Kids may be unable to express why they don’t want to be hugged or tickled, and that’s okay; their “no” is enough.

• Teach your child the language of consent. Doctors may ask, “Can I listen to your heart?” and hairdressers often ask for permission before touching their client’s hair. Use similar language to model consent in everyday life, and teach your child to do the same. Learning to ask, “Can I give you a hug?” sets a strong foundation for their future relationships.

• Use the right words for body parts. Even when your child is very young, use the correct terms for their anatomy. (For example, say “penis” and “vulva” instead of using obscure nicknames.) Kids should learn the names of their own body parts as well as any parts they don’t have. Having this vocabulary enables kids to describe sexual abuse if they experience or witness it. 

• Teach your kids that some body parts are private. Even when a child is young enough to need help bathing, you can teach them that no one should touch or look at the parts of their body that are covered by their clothing. Instruct them that no one—not even a doctor—should ever examine their private parts unless you are with them. Finally, remind them that they should always tell you if anyone touches or looks at them in a way they don’t like.   

6. Be Persistent

As children grow and gain independence, new risks emerge. Your tween or teen may not act like they need your support—but don’t give up. Continue to communicate openly and honestly, stay involved in their lives, and maintain boundaries that keep them safer. 

The teen years are usually the right time for direct conversations about sexual assault. Even if your teen isn’t dating, they’re almost certainly hearing about sex and relationships from peers and media. Making sure your teen has accurate information can go a long way toward helping them avoid risk.

• Provide your teen with reliable resources. Organizations like Teens for Courage and Love Is Respect help teenagers build healthy, age-appropriate relationships. Consider connecting your teenager with RAINN’s stories and statistics so they can watch for red flags, practice safer social habits, and quickly get help if something goes wrong.

CITATIONS

(1) Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement (2000).